The Misadventures of Ryo and Bakura!
by RobDaZombie
Summary: Ryo and Bakura go to a supermarket. Ryo wants Multi-Grain Cheerios but Bakura wants Count Chocula... thus a battle is unleashed.


(Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh etc etc)

**THE MISADVENTURES OF RYO AND BAKURA!**

It was a sunny day in Domino City, and Ryo and Bakura were skipping merrily to the supermarket. Well, Ryo was, Bakura had his hands in his pockets and lagged behind a few metres. He hated shopping. He hated sunshine. He especially hated shopping and the sunshine together. Ryo looked behind him and sighed. Why does Bakura always have to behave like this? It was almost the equivalent of a mother dragging a lazy teenager around. He already told him beforehand that they were going shopping on a Saturday, but Bakura still pretended to forget. Again.

Ryo and Bakura wore identical white shirts, blue jeans and black shoes, except Bakura left his shirt all creased up because he thought it was more 'badass' that way. Also, Ryo was carrying with him a fluffy pink handbag with a hello kitty sailor logo. It was a present Bakura stole from Anzu for Christmas.

"Do we have to go shopping?" complained Bakura, "I wanna play in the arcade!"

"We've already been through this time and time again!" replied Ryo, "We are going shopping and that's that!"

Bakura pouted but reluctantly decided to tag along. "I hate shopping."

The supermarket was chock full of people, all getting in the way of someone or something. Bakura snarled at a child who foolishly bumped into him. Straight away the child bawled his eyes out and ran crying to his mother.

Ryo sighed as he turned to face his more evil self. "You didn't have to snarl at him."

"He didn't have to bump into my leg." growled Bakura. "He should be grateful I didn't break any of his bones."

The two of them walked into the cereal isle, where there was an assortment of all the family favourites, like that one with the tiger and that one with those three leprechauns prancing around (they used to be superheroes once upon a time). Bakura wanted the box of Count Chocula, whereas Ryo wanted the box of Multi-Grain Cheerios. Naturally, an argument began.

"I want Count Chocula!" Bakura bawled out.

"They're bad for you!" Ryo countered, moaning as loudly as Bakura.

"Well duh!" Bakura said, crossing his arms, "I am a bad person, idiot!"

"You can't have Count Chocula! They'll rot your teeth!" Ryo stated.

"As if!"

"It's true! Remember when I bought you that chewy strawberry fizz bar? You were crying for so long I had to take you to the dentist to sort your teeth out! That cost me 800 pounds that did!"

"Hmph! That dentist ripped you off!"

"All dentists rip you… that's besides the point! You are not having any Count Chocula and that's final!"

"Am too!"

"Am not!"

"Am too!"

Staff members and customers tried their best to look away when their eyes focused on Ryo and Bakura, who were engaged in one giant slap fest. After three minutes of slapping one another, the two decided it would be best if they solved this problem through a duel. Abandoning their shopping trolley in the middle of the isle, they walked outside and into the park. Conveniently enough they had their duel disks with them.

So now both of them were in the park, a nice location surrounded with grass, flowers and… uh, benches. There was also a crowd of people watching the duel take place, because most people are like that. They just watch people playing cards.

Bakura hated having an audience, and made a growling noise to indicate this. "Christ, I hate people staring at me. Don't they realise they can go to Woolworths and buy a duel disk and starter deck for only 4.99?"

"Uh…" Ryo began to say.

Bakura scratched his head. "Huh? … … … oh… oh right… well you can still order them from Argos for about the same price!"

It was Ryo's turn to begin. "I summon the Singing Angel in defence mode!"

An angel appeared on the field.

"Uh, shouldn't that be Shining Angel?" queried Bakura.

"Nope! This is Singing Angel!" said Ryo proudly. "It's defence mode increases depending on how well I can sing!"

Bakura made a face. "You gotta be kidding me."

But Ryo wasn't kidding around. Ryo started to sing a whole range of songs, including hit singles like 'Jingle Bells' and loads of other songs people couldn't stand. As a matter of fact, most of the audience had left, not because Ryo was a bad singer, but because he sung like a choir girl, which, for a sixteen year old boy, was deeply disturbing. Bakura felt tempted to surrender straight away, but the thought of having Multi-Grain Cheerios for a whole week fuelled him to fight on. Finally Ryo stopped singing.

"Thanks to my singing voice, the Singing Angel gains 3000 defence points!" said Ryo.

Bakura drew a card before starting his go. "My turn! I play the Swearing Demon in attack mode!"

A large purple demon rose from the underground, looking really angry. However… it had zero attack and defence points!

"It's attack increases depending on how many times I can swear!" said Bakura. "Get ready to cover your ears vessel, because this is going to get ugly! Behold… for I know every swear word from A to Z!!"

"Oh bother, I don't think I'm going to like this." whimpered Ryo.

Bakura took one massive deep breath…

[To protect the safety of children and their mothers, 4Kids have censored the next eleven paragraphs. This is due to the fact that 4Kids are a bunch of enormous tards]

"…zebra testicles!" Bakura finished at last. The Swearing Demon had now vastly increased in height, and its new attack stood at 457,000. "Swearing Demon! Crush that pathetic angel!"

Because the demon was so huge, all it had to do was stomp the puny angel. The angel was now a pancake.

Ryo's ears were still bleeding from Bakura's verbal slaughterhouse. However, there was not a chance of him giving up. He had only recently lost half a stone, and there was no chance of him retaining it by eating that tacky chocolate cereal. He drew another card.

"I summon the Seto Kaiba Fangirl in attack mode!" shouted Ryo.

Bakura looked at the newly summoned person in disgust. She was a thirteen year old nerdy girl with a warty face and extra huge glasses. She wore a beige dress. Yes, you heard me right. The dress was beige.

"Good lord!" Bakura said in horror, "It's like a cross between a girl and a pizza!"

Ryo continued to speak, "Seto Kaiba Fangirl has only 500 attack points, but has a special ability…"

Seto Kaiba Fangirl cleared her throat before talking, "Ahem, did you know Seto is his Japanese name whereas Kaiba is the dubbed name? Also he could easily defeat Yugi if the game was in a meta based format. Did you know he only uses Peten the Dark Clown in the Yugioh Movie? Also, in my humble opinion, I think Yugi versus Seto Kaiba would have been a more thrilling conclusion to the last episode, rather than Yugi against Atem. Also, the Blue Eyes White Dragon is a reincarnation of Kisara, though it is well known that Seto Kaiba possesses three Blue Eyes White Dragons, meaning the possible possibility that Seto Kaiba may have known two other girls in his other life. And another thing. Wikipedia states that…"

Bakura remained horrified. "Why the hell aren't 4Kids censoring this?!"

After two hours, Seto Kaiba Fangirl finally finished speaking. Bakura was reduced to a withering wreck and his demon's friend now turned into a whimpering kitten. Literally, a whimpering kitten. Its attack was reduced from 457,000 to 5. Seto Kaiba Fangirl then attacked the demon by kicking him in the nutsack.

"Hah, what you do think of that, my dark side?" Ryo asked tauntingly.

"Rrrrgggghhh! I WILL NOT BE DENIED!!" shouted Bakura, rising back to his feet.

It was Bakura's turn again. He drew Pot of Greed, so he drew another two cards. When he looked at his newly drawn cards, his expression turned into a most sinister grin.

"I play the magic card, Total Humiliation!" said Bakura.

Ryo did not like the sound of that. "What does that do?" he asked.

Bakura answered, "By paying 1000 of my own life points, you must discard 30 deck cards and your trousers to the graveyard!"

"Oh…" Ryo replied, beginning to discard 30 cards from his deck. Then his heart froze. "WAIT! You mean I have to take my trousers off?!?"

"Yes it does!" Bakura grinned, "now whip 'em off, you poofy British boy!"

Ryo reluctantly removed his jeans and tossed them to one side, revealing his white briefs in all their glory. His legs were as pale as snow. "You know… I really do not approve of this!" he complained.

Bakura ignored his vessel and played his second magic card. "Now I play the magic card Heavy Storm!"

A rigorous gale blew out of nowhere. To Ryo's shock, his jeans had been blown away by the wind!

"Waaagh! My jeans!" Ryo panicked. He gave chase, thus forfeiting the duel in the process.

Bakura laughed manically. "HA HA HA! I win! Time to claim the prize that I so rightfully deserve!"

After so much time had passed by, Bakura at last returned to the supermarket. He retraced his steps and found the isle he was looking for. There was plenty of Multi-Grain Cheerios… but Count Chocula was nowhere to be seen.

Bakura quickly found a staff member and grabbed him by the scruff of his collar. "Slave! I demand to know where the Count Chocula cereal is!" he ordered.

"Sorry sir, sold out." the staff member replied, matter of speaking.

Bakura lowered the staff member, allowing him to get back to his regular work duty. "Oh." was his lame reply.

He looked around for a bit, and let out one defeated, emotional sigh.

"I guess Frosties will have to do." he softly said to himself.

**THE END**


End file.
